An Update, and a Magical Day

25 Ceres

Dear readers,

Before I begin I would like to inform you all I have taken the spiritual name Madria Gwenevere, but you can all still refer to me as Madria Erin or Erin. You can also call me Gwenevere or hey, even just Gwen. Whatever feels most comfortable. ūüôā

It’s been far too long! I can only apologise. I really have no excuse, other than lethargy due to depression. I have been particularly miserable for the past couple of weeks, for reasons I won’t go in to. But yesterday, I experienced some of the most amazing spiritual experiences I have ever had, and I wanted to share them with you.

Note: this next paragraph might be slightly triggering to some as I mention self harm and suicide ideation.

I hadn‚Äôt slept an inch. I‚Äôd spent the majority of the night thinking about death and hating myself. I felt incredibly lonely. Lately it seems like my friends no longer need me and I am not relevant to their lives, as they move out of their parents’ homes, find love, graduate from university, find decent jobs. Because of my mental health and sheer bad luck, none of those things have panned out for me. I truly felt like a waste of space. I had to draw on my arms and write messages of hope to stop myself from self harming, or worse. I tried to get to sleep around 5am and couldn‚Äôt. So I made the decision then that I‚Äôd get up, get a shower, get dressed and go on an adventure. That way I could spend some time in nature to think about things, get some much needed exercise & reset my sleeping pattern.

Here’s how my day went. Not all of it is related to Deanism, some of it is just about me realizing I can spend time by myself and rely on myself & Dea for emotional fulfilment.

1. I got the bus in to the city centre & got a McDonalds breakfast.

2. I went to Starbucks & got a hazelnut hot chocolate.

3. I took photographs of my poetry that’s currently being displayed as part of an LGBT Pride exhibition. It was an incredibly proud moment.

4. I bought a small bottle of wine to offer up to Dea, a sandwich, and some nuts.

5. I got the train to a National Trust site (red squirrel conservation park & beach) which is only about twenty minutes from my city by train.

6. I found a spot in the forest that called to me. As soon as I sat down I was filled with such overwhelming joy. I started laughing to myself and couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. A few minutes after I sat down, I realized there were about six squirrels running around. I began feeding the nuts to them, and they kept inching closer and closer to me. They looked directly at me. It was so magical. I almost cried.

7. I poured the wine out to Dea, said a few prayers, and did some automatic writing where I got some wonderful messages from perhaps my spirit guide, fairies, or messenger spirits/angels. I read scripture, and as soon as I opened them I landed on a passage that was extremely relevant, which I will go in to later. I sat there for about an hour and a half. Now, it may have been a trick of the light, or hallucinations due to sleep deprivation, but I swear I saw fairies. Small flying specks of light zooming past at incredible speeds.

8. I walked further in to the woods. Eventually I found an area with tonnes of blackberry bushes that were just starting to ripen. I started picking some. A sweet lady with a beautiful dog walked by who was also foraging and we spoke for about five minutes about nature and foraging and she gave me a bag. I was there picking for about an hour.

9. I walked further in, then found a spot in a clearing to sit and eat my sandwich.

10. I then decided to go to the beach, which I wasn’t going to because I was wearing doc martens (the weather reports had all said rain, but the sun was shining). I just took them off and walked over, and in order to avoid the sand dunes I had to go the long way which was taking a while, so I sat on a bench to read poetry for about half an hour.

11. I started walking again, and on the way to the beach I found some wild flowers (mostly bluebells) and put them in my hair.

12. Eventually I got to the beach. I rolled up my jeans and took off my shoes and carried them with me to the ocean, where I stood just feeling the waves on my legs for about half an hour. I prayed, and I was filled with such an overwhelming sense of “God is real! Love is real! Everything is going to be okay.‚ÄĚ I contemplated the healing powers of water, and the name ‘Mari’. It means sea, but it also means Mother. I thought about my patron Jana, Lady Grace, and how She is the Jana of the sea. I felt her presence and Her motherly energies so strongly. I actually recorded a video of me talking to the Deanic community, but I am incredibly paranoid about my accent and my voice in general, so I don’t know if I’ll upload it yet.

13. Deciding I should be heading back because I was feeling very tired at this point, I decided to head back to my city. I got slightly lost on the way out, but I wasn’t worried, and eventually found the train station. There were planter boxes there, urging people to take the crops when they were grown, so I took some rosemary.

14. Back in my city, I decided I didn’t want to go home yet. Realizing how unclean my clothes were, though, I had to go and buy a cheap tshirt and jeans to change in to.

15. Originally I was planning on just getting something to eat and then going home, but just as I was about to leave I made the last minute decision to see a movie. I watched ‘Valerian’, a new sci-fi movie that has been getting awful reviews, but I enjoyed it quite a lot. I’d never been to the movie theatre myself before, and was feeling quite nervous about it, since I thought I’d look pathetic. I realized I wasn’t the only one doing so, though, and quickly realized I was being silly.

16. At that point it was time to go home. When I got home I cleaned my berries and shared them with my sister. I’m not a big fan of fruit but they were delicious and I think the fact that I’d picked them myself helped me enjoy them more.

17. I showered, and crawled in to bed and prayed, thanking Dea for blessing me with such an amazing day, and an amazing testimony that She definitely exists, and She definitely loves me, and all of us. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

I know the world is terrifying right now, both on a universal scale and a personal scale. We each have our own personal struggles with mental health, physical health, financial issues, family issues etc, and then to top it all off it seems we can’t go a day lately without the threat of nuclear war or terrorism looming over us. But despite all of this, the struggles of this world are nothing compared to the giant, perfect, wonderful reality that is our Heavenly Mother. I mentioned earlier that I selected a random scripture passage, and it was incredibly relevant to this.

“Like a play is to thy life, and the acting of mummers; like to a painted scene all the things of the world. The things of thy life and its acts and its purposes; where shall they be in an hundred score years from this day? Yet an hundred score years are no more than a breath in the measureless life of thy soul.”

– Pillar of Light 36-17

All of your pain is temporary. All of the worlds’ pains are temporary. Because your soul is immortal. The soul of the world, which is of Dea Herself, is immortal. This isn’t to say that your pain isn’t real and it doesn’t matter, or that we ought to ignore the issues in our world at the moment. We should continue to look after ourselves and one another, and do whatever we can to make this existence as painless as possible to all of us. But what I’m saying is that on an eternal scale, we need never fear oblivion. Oblivion does not exist. Kind of weird to wrap your head around, right? Non-existence does not exist.

Lastly, I’d like to share some passages of automatic writing I channeled from an entity or entities I feel were probably angels or fairies yesterday, while sitting between the trees and watching squirrels. Some of it was slightly all over the place so I’ve tidied up the spelling and grammar.

“Do you hear that? That’s the sound of our Lady’s great servants at work! For every plant, tree, animal has its purpose.”

“The laws of Heaven are written in nature. Hearken! She is speaking to you. She is always speaking to you.”

“Oh, how our Lady loves Her squirrels! They are light and buoyant. They can hop and skip and glide. In Heavenly realms, maids have this ability also. In higher spears, Maid is light as a feather- Nay, lighter.”

“In the realms of Truth, no animal fears maid and maid fears no animal. All are in perfect harmony.”

That’s all from me for now, but I’ll try to keep this blog updated. I truly do adore each and every one of you who reads my little ramblings. Thank you.

In the name of the Mother, the Daughter, and Absolute Deity,
Blessed is She.

– Madria Gwenevere.

(P.s. I recently watched Disney’s Moana, and without spoilers, the ending held a lot of spiritual meaning to me, so I made it the featured image)



Moura 28th/March 18th

Today is Kala, the last day of the Deanic/Filianic year and an important event in the Cosmic Drama that is unfolding at all times. It is the day the Princess of Heaven descends in to the lowest realms of manifestation, in order to bring the light of the Celestial Mother to all Her children.


The word ‘lightbringer’ has negative connotations in Christianity, I believe, because it was often used in connection with Lucifer. But to Deanists, the Lightbringer is the Daughter. She descends through the seven gates, literally shattering her soul as She does so, experiencing EVERY awful thing any living being will ever go through… all at once. This is why we say God the Daughter is imminent. She is literally present, at all times, because of this descent. She understands everything we experience because She goes through it with us.


Tomorrow is the Hiatus, a day that doesn’t officially exist in the calendar, because it is the day the Daughter is dead (in the more orthodox¬†schools of thought) or simply not there (I think?) in the Janite tradition. (If a Janite could clear this up for me I’d really appreciate it!) In my mind, since I don’t accept the ‘sacrifice’ as the Daughter involving Her death, but rather a sharing of Her light and soul, I’d tend to lean more with the Janite perspective, but I’m not sure on the full thealogy of the day if the Daughter is not ‘dead’.
This has been my first full Deanic year as a Deanist, and I’ve loved every second of it. I love Dea with all my heart, and I love being a member of Her ekklesia. I will see you all in two days for a celebratory Eastre post ūüôā

Madria Erin

Deanic Interpretations of Songs #1 – Road to Paradise by Jordin Sparks

Astraea 23

Dear friends,

Because Deanism is such a small faith, we do not have many ‘official’ hymns or devotional songs we can use in our worship etc. However, I find myself finding Deanic meaning in all kinds of music… from Catholic hymns to Disney soundtracks to contemporary pop songs. I actually have a Spotify playlist with all of these songs, so I wanted to start a little blog entry series about them.

This first one is from one of the Tinkerbell movies. Interestingly enough, sister Rebekah made a post a while ago about her Deanic interpretation of the first movie, and I definitely feel like they teach some beautiful and Deanist messages about nature, friendship, magic, etc. I was listening to the soundtracks and I was blown away by how many of the songs reminded me of my faith in Dea! This first one is by Jordin Sparks. The italic text is my commentary.

Road to Paradise by Jordin Sparks (From Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure)

Yeah yeah yeah
Try to keep them steady
Won’t break
You’ve been getting ready
Here we go
It’s time to say goodbye (say goodbye)
(This verse reminds me of us saying goodbye to our Heavenly Mother when we decided to descend in to matter in order to learn of good and evil and grow spiritually.)

You’ve got a lot up on your shoulders
Not quite sure just where you’re going
But you know it’s gone be quite a ride
You know with every twist, turn, crash and burn
That you’re gonna reach the other side
(Our faith teaches that separation from our Mother is temporary, and in the end all souls will be redeemed and returned to Oneness with Her. The ‘Other Side’ to me represents the golden realm of the Mother beyond the veil- or Heaven/Paradise. No matter how riven with kear we become, no matter what mistakes we make, no matter where our journeys take us, we will return to Her.)

You will do things you never dreamed of
You’re gonna find a few new friends
Get to explore the worlds of wonder
Where the magic never ends
Time to go out and make your moment
Make a few memories on the way
Life is unfolding it’s happening right before your eyes
On the road to paradise
Road to paradise
Oh, yeah, yeah
(The road to Paradise is every life that we live before eventual re-unification with our Mother. In the chorus I can almost hear our Mother’s voice before we left Her, telling us not to be afraid, for the worlds she has prepared for us are full of wonder, lessons to learn, adventures to embark on. She wants us to enjoy the journey back to Her, rather than lamenting that we are not still One with Her. )

Inside you feel the fire blazing
Outside you are so amazing
Take a breath and soak in all the sides
Danger and fear are gonna test you
Still you are coming to the rescue
Rain or shine you won’t give up the fight
It doesn’t matter how long how far
There are miracles along the way
(The road back home may be a long one, but as the song says, there are miracles along the way! We will feel¬†Dea’s love always, and with Her love we can find the strength within ourselves to carry on when we feel hopeless and afraid. We are on a ‘heroes journey’, and heroes are confronted with multiple battles and hardships before they get their happy ending and reward.)


Might be surprised
by the strength you’re gonna find
Inside your heart
(The bride speaks for itself, I think. I have been surprised at the strength I have found inside myself when I was suicidal. At the worst moments in my life I was able to dust off my shoulders and rise.) 



I am not currently in education, but for years I¬†would analyse poems and prose in my English and Creative Writing classes, and this may be where this idea has come from. It may seem silly to some, but I think Dea’s message can be found anywhere. Especially in children’s media, for children’s hearts are full of innocence, wonder and magic, and I think ours should be, too.

Madria Erin

Knitted With Love

Astraea 19


I think the reason Lady Grace is my matron Jana is because if there is one thing that inspires me want to be a better person, it’s witnessing other people perform acts of unconditional love and selflessness.

My mother works in a children‚Äôs hospital. Today, she came home with three bin bags full of knitwear for babies. They‚Äôd been knitted and donated to the hospital for the babies, but the hospital can‚Äôt use them because of health and¬†safety regulations, so they were going to throw them all away. My mother was baffled at this and rescued the knitwear. We went through it all when she got in. I was so blown away by the artistry. Hats, blankets and cardigans all beautifully knitted with pastel colours and patterns and frilled edges. But it wasn’t their beauty that made me so emotional. As strange as it seems, I felt like I could sense¬†the love, care and joy that had gone in to making them. Each item seemed to radiate love and care. These women (and possibly some men) had made this items and donated them to the hospital purely because they wanted to help babies. They had nothing to gain from doing¬†so other than temporary entertainment from a hobby. They just wanted to help people. And although the knitwear won’t be going to the babies they’d originally intended it to go to,¬†I asked a sweet lady from my old church where she’d recommend donating them to, and they’ll be going to a refugee camp in Greece.


Recently, I have been angered and discussed at the genocide currently taking place in Aleppo. Men, women and children are begging for help on social media, and their pleas are falling on deaf ears. This is one of the worst atrocities I have witnessed in my lifetime. It is so tempting for me to fall in to the nihilistic slump I often fall in to when I hit a low with my depression. But…

Human beings aren’t as awful as we sometimes say we are. Yes, humanity commits many evil acts daily, but we also act as Lady Grace’s assistants daily by our good works and our selfless love for one another. There is so much goodness in this world. Just by sorting through bags of tiny cardigans and hats today, my faith in human kindness has been restored.

And just as the knitwear was created with so much love and care, our Mother creates so much for us with more love and care than we can even fathom. Each delicate flower, each intricate butterfly wing, each rose gold sunset, was laughed in to existence and hand painted by Her to make this existence a little more bearable for us. To remind us of our true nature: beauty, peace, love and innocence.

Please,¬†if you have money to spare (which I know is a long shot at this time of year), please considering donating to help those currently under attack in Aleppo. If you can’t, that’s okay! There are so many little selfless things we can all do to make this world a better place. Help someone with their grocery bags. Offer to babysit for a struggling family you know. Offer a nonjudgmental ear and a shoulder to cry on for those going through hard times. This time of year is a time for giving, but that doesn’t have to mean physical things. Sometimes, the best gift you can give someone is the gift of friendship. We are all siblings. Let’s start acting like it, and loving each other as Dea loves us.

Madria Erin

Thoughts on the Divine Shattering

14 Astraea

“She was scared
Lost in the dark.
Falling Apart,
I can survive,
With you by my side.
We’re gonna be alright.
This is what happens when two worlds collide.”
– Two Worlds Collide by Demi Lovato, a cheesy pop song from my tween years, about friendship.


I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Tears of happiness, sadness, and raw spiritual emotion.

I was just reading through ArchMadria Pamela’s most recent post about the Holy Daughter as the Mother of our souls, and found myself understanding deeply every single word. Because what she spoke of in that article, I have experienced.

The post talks about the beautiful implications of the thealogy of the Holy Daughter. Until the work done by the Janite Order of Priestesses to uncover and explain what I call ‘the Divine Shattering’, I understood the Holy Daughter in a way more similar to the goddess Inanna or Jesus Christ- a deity who corrects a wrong by descending, dying and resurrecting. While I still see the value in this understanding, I much prefer the understanding of the Daughter from the Janite perspective: that the Daughter descended, shattered her own perfect Soul in to pieces to save us, which causes a lot of pain for Her. She experiences every heartbreak, every illness, every affliction with us. She understands us on a level beyond human comprehension. Kwan Yin, a Bodhisattva of some Buddhist traditions, is known as ‘She who hears the cries of the world’. Those words say it all.


Something else, something rather unorthodox, helped me better understand this thealogy.

Now, I am a huge nerd. I have also mentioned in the past about how sci-fi (particularly space opera) and fantasy is often a boon for my faith, and vice versa. An unlikely pair, but the two are deeply intertwined for me. These genres have heroes, overcoming odds, liberation, and often the characters will cite their belief in God(s) or other forces of the Universe as the reason for their strength.

My favourite video game, Mass Effect, is a space opera role playing game centred around a space commander named Shepard and his/her crew, who go against odds to fight dark forces at play in the Milky Way Galaxy. It has aliens, love, and, at least in my head, religious allegories. Spoiler alert! In the end of the video game trilogy, the Commander is given three choices on how to deal with the threat to the galaxy, a race of sentient machines called Reapers, who seek to destroy all advanced life. Shepard can choose to a) take control of the Reapers, essentially stealing their power and using it for good and watch over the galaxy from afar (her physical body dying in the process), b) destroy the Reapers but also destroy friendly AI in the process, or c) break down her own essence and have it be used as a catalyst for a new formula, in which organic beings and machines live in harmony (her physical body dying in the process).

The way I saw it, these three endings could each represent a ‘saviour’ deity. Control option represents Inanna. In the classic Inanna myth, she takes control of the powers of Hell, stealing them from her sister Ereshkigal, the Dark Queen. Quote from this ending: “Your corporeal form will be dissolved. But your thoughts and even your memories will continue. You will no longer be organic. Your connection to your kind will be lost. Although you will remain aware of their existence.”¬†The Destroy option doesn’t really have a religious counterpart, but I would compare it to how Christians view the second coming of Christ: he will, point blank, put an end to the forces of darkness once and for all. However, the Synthesis ending, to me, represents our understanding of the Holy Daughter. Shepard gives her own essence and that is used to create a new framework in which organic beings and synthetic beings become one. This reminded me of how Dea, in the form of the Holy Daughter, gave us Her own soul so that while we remain mortal, we each share in Her divinity, as well. Quote from this ending: “Your organic energy. The essence of who and what you are, will be broken down and then dispersed.”¬†I feel like the Inanna understanding is similar to the Control ending, while the Janite Deanic and my Deanic understanding is similar to the Synthesis ending. We are synthesised with the Daughter and with one another.

But I digress. The point is, that we believe the Holy Daughter is imminent not because She is the Earth like may Pagans believe, but because we literally share a soul with Her. And so, not only is She the Mother of our Souls, the Queen of Heaven and our Saviour, She is also the perfect best friend.

As most of you reading this will be well aware of by now, I suffer from clinical depression, anxiety and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have also recently developed a condition called Labyrinthitis which affects my balance, and I can not walk a short distance without feeling dizzy and having to sit down.  This was particularly awful tonight, and combined one of my typical depressive episodes, and feelings of extreme loneliness and isolation, I felt extremely low.

A common sentiment amongst people with depression is a feeling that nobody understands us. I have often felt frustrated that I couldn’t put in to words how I was feeling when talking about it to other people, because they don’t know the inner workings of my mind and heart. Yet, Dea Filia does, because everything we ‘go through’, she goes through with us. This makes Her the perfect ‘best friend’.¬†Many a time I have prayed to Her using not so many words. Rather than explaining to Her exactly how I feel in words, I say ‘Most Holy Anna, I know you know what I’m going through, so please just give me the strength to fight another day, and hold me.” And, just like that, I can feel Her arms around me, comforting me.

Any time we need a hug, any time we need to be reminded that we are not alone, and that our feelings are valid and understood, we can call on Her. A God that is not only a Mother and a Queen but a Best Friend, is one that I am SO proud and so blessed to worship.

In the name of the Heavenly Mother, the Holy Daughter, and the Great Mother, thus may it remain.

Madria Erin

The Conception of the Daughter

Astraea 11


In the Deanic Daughterist/Filianist calendar, today is the day we celebrate the Mother becoming ‘pregnant’ (in a metaphysical sense) with the Holy Daughter, who is Her Heavenly Daughter and yet remains fully One with Her.

And She stood in contemplation upon the waters of the first darkness; like a great Dove upon the waters She brooded. And She became absorbed within Her and communed with Her own Self; and Her light ceased to shine forth from Her, and yet Her light grew greater. And She fell to Her knees. And the surface of the waters became turbulent, and the great waves curled over Her, and their white foam could not be seen in all that darkness. And when the waters became calm again, the Mistress of All Things rose to Her feet. for She had conceived a Daughter that was not separate from Her, but one with Her, and the Child of Her Light.

– Daughter Mythos 1:3-7

This low feast is the last festival, low or high, in the Mother half of the Deanic year. It marks the beginning of the second and larger part of Advent. It is a very exciting low feast indeed, for in this act the Daughter is coming to save us, to guide us back to our Mother.

This act of parthenogenesis has deeper implications that my friend Jacqueline touched on here, that involves the Great Mother as well as the Bright Mother. Usually, when I use the phrase ‘Heavenly Mother’, I am referring to Mari, while the ‘Great Mother’ or ‘Dark Mother’ is Mysteria- the darkness that existed before the light. This thealogy of this feast can be interpreted as the Bright Mother communing with Herself in the form of the Dark Mother to create Anna, the Heavenly Daughter. This, to me, is a lovely interpretation and makes a lot of sense.

Blessings, and let us rejoice!

Madria Erin


Two Songs About Avalon

Astraea 10

Avalon, or Avala, is the Deanic and Celtic underworld in which souls rest between incarnations. It is said to be a land of incredible beauty, where one can make peace with their past, rest, and grow closer to Dea. It is the land of the Daughter, Who is working to bring us back to the Mother and will be doing so until the end of time. She could be said to be the Lady of the Lake, the guardian of Avalon in some non-patriarchal/non-Christianized versions of the Arthurian legends, in which Avalon plays a large part.

Anyway, I wanted to share two of my favourite songs about this magical resting place of souls. The second one, in particular, means a lot to me, and I have used it in assisting my meditations.

My Avalon by Laura Powers¬†: It’s been a part of me always / I’ve known this forever / Where the sky meets the ocean / Through the mist there, just beyond / It’s the haven I long for / My Avalon

Avalon by Jillian Aversa: Is it real or a dream / This breathing isle, this beating heart / Where the rains melt the sky / In sheets of haze that they part?


Madria Erin

Coming in 2017 – The Auroran Tradition

Astraea 6

Dear siblings in faith,

I’ve received a couple of messages about the ‘Auroran Tradition’ that ArchMadria Pamela has mentioned I belong to. I haven’t formally developed or announced this tradition yet, but it will be a sister tradition to the Janite tradition lead by ArchMadria Pamela, and the Lucienne tradition lead by ArchMatronia Georgia.

My decision to begin formally developing this tradition took root after a discussion with ArchMadria Pamela about different types of Priesthood. She wrote a post on it which you can read here.

The Auroran Tradition will be aimed more towards younger people (aged roughly 13-30) but anyone is free to be a member. We will be committed to maintaining tradition, while also incorporating modernity. We will focus on building a relationship with Dea through many different means: including prayer, dance, song, creative writing, art, charity work, etc.

We will be ‘daughter focused’ or Filianic, as we believe the Daughter is bringing us in to a new age in which the Divine Feminine will be worshipped openly, people will be kinder, and there will be a fresh understanding of peace and harmony between the disparate groups of today’s world. This ties in with the name of the tradition. ‘Aurora’ is the name of the Roman goddess of the Dawn. The Dawn symbolises youth, new beginnings, and hope- all things the Auroran Tradition represents. Aurorans will be working to build a better future in Dea’s name, spreading Her message of peace and love.

I haven’t developped an actual name for the tradition yet, ‘the Auroran tradition’ is just what we’re calling it for the mean time.

In 2017, I will launch some kind of website for the tradition, whether it be a blog or a Wix website, and begin taking membership applications.



Madria Erin

The Sacred Month of Astraea

Werde 28

Tomorrow is the first day of the Deanic month of Astraea, meaning Star Maiden. It’s also the first day of the Deanic season of Winter.
The correspondence of the stars to the winter makes a lot of sense to me.
Just as sailors in the days before our advanced navigational technology would use the North Star to guide them to safety, the Holy Daughter is our guide to safety. As we sail on the ocean of the universe, we can often feel lost and overwhelmed. But we turn our heads to the sky, and She is there to guide us home.
We decorate our homes with little lights that look like stars. After a long day of work in the winter, when the bus is late, when you’re freezing, wet, hungry and tired, you still know you have a warm, inviting home lit up with lights waiting for you. As does our Mother have a heavenly home lit up with lights prepared for us.
When we look up at the nights sky, we often forget that we are looking at suns. They are obviously much further away, which is why they seem tiny compared to the miraculous golden orb that lights our day times, but they are still suns. On a clear night, when you look at the night sky and see stars, you are in fact looking at thousands and thousands of far away suns. No matter how dark things seem, the universe is full of light, and this world is full of goodness. It is full of kind, selfless, courageous, wonderful people. It is full of miraculous beauty. And although clothes may hide the stars from our sight sometimes, they remain. 
As many of you know, I have been going through a particularly hard time lately. I don’t want to go in to detail, but my mental health has taken a sharp turn for the worse. But thanks to my faith and the care of my Heavenly Mother, I write this with a smile on my face.
Madria Erin

Our Mother’s Palace: A Deanic Meditation for Conversion , & Thoughts on Ekklesia

9 Ourania 3336

(Note, while I’ve up until now been using the Chelouranyan¬†names for the sacred months, I am currently using the Janite names until I can come up with my own names for them.)

Dear friends,

I wrote this little meditation that new Deanists can use to consecrate themselves to Dea, and that those of us who have already done so can use to remember that we are not alone in our faith.

For solitary practitioners of Deanism, or even those of us who belong to an official tradition, we can often feel alone. There are very few Deanists in this world. While I cannot claim to know an exact figure, I’m guessing there is less than 200 of us. However, as the scriptures state, ekklesia is not only of this world. Most Deanists seem to believe that in this huge, vast universe of ours, there are¬†many, many¬†planets with sapient life, and¬†that on many of those planets, Dea’s religion is huge. The Chelouranyans/Herthelens definitely believe this is true, as it is part of the basis for their belief in an ‘all feminine world’ they call Sai Herthe.

I have prayed and meditated on this a lot, and came to the conclusion that this belief is true, at least for me. It would be foolish and rather arrogant, I feel, for me to assume we are the only ‘axial beings’ in the universe. I am not talking about ‘aliens’ in the traditional sense, but rather that in other galaxies, perhaps even in this galaxy, there are worlds very similar to ours, but many of them are probably less war torn, harsh and patriarchal- and so Dea’s voice is heard more clearly. I do not claim to speak for all Deanists, but I do believe there is at least some scriptural/thealogical basis for this.

The following is found in ‘The Heart of Water’ (note: some¬†do not accept THoW¬†as a canonical text, but I thought this passage was relevant.)

For though in this place you seem only but a few, and Her servants reduced to a remnant, yet in truth the age of the unbelievers is but a moment in the endless stream of time, and this world only but a grain of sand on the shore of unnumbered worlds. In truth you are surrounded by the bright host of Her children, serried through time and space, in whose light the unbelievers are but the remnant of a remnant, and their world but a cobweb in the midst of a glittering palace. And you are one with that shining host; each radiant soul is your sister.

The Heart of Water 25-28, Filianic Scriptures NCUV

The next scripture also seems to suggest that there are many worlds. While this does not necessarily imply sapient life outside of our own earth, to me, the word ‘world’ in a Deanic context implies one with sapient life and civilization, but that could be a bit of a reach on my behalf.

Space extends without limit, neither is there any boundary to the worlds, but the point is without extension; yet from the point alone all space proceeds.

– The Clew of the Horse 3, Filianic Scriptures NCUV

This next scripture seems to imply that maids/axial beings are not only a thing of this planet.

She who has no beginning or any end; She who stood in the heart of chaos and made all things harmonious, She who bears the worlds within Her hand; a maid who knows Her is truly free. She that is the maker of being and of unbeing; She that is all that is and all that is not; a maid who knows Her in truth has left all worlds; in truth, she has left the body and the mind.

– The Clew of the Horse, 45-46, Filianic Scriptures NCUV

The final scripture I will present implies that this world is only one in an endless stream of time.

 This world shall be scattered like straw, and hundreds shall follow; and each in its turn shall be scattered like chaff on the wind.

– The Pillar of Light 34, NCUV

With all of this in mind, when I think of ‘Ekklesia’, I think of not only my siblings in faith on this earth, in this time frame, but all my siblings in faith from worlds that existed before this one, worlds that exist alongside this one and worlds that will exist after this one. I picture all of us standing in the ethereal, glistening palace of our Mother. There are millions of us. We are all beautiful garments, wearing crowns because we are Her heirs. While we appear, in my meditation, with bodies: in the palace of Ekklesia we are no longer defined by our bodies and appearances. Our souls are what matter, and each soul can see the beauty and excellence in each one around them. We are no longer bound by wordly limitations and through our interconnectedness with the Source of All, who is Dea, we all know each other and are familiar with each other. Dea sits on a high throne, surrounded by the Seven Janati. In my mind I am picturing Dea in the form of Dea Madria, or Mari, but that does not mean I am not trinitarian. Dea Madria is one with Dea Filia and Dea Mysterium, so in this meditation, they appear as one.

Without further ado, here is a meditation I wrote up that one can use to consecrate themselves to Dea and become part of the great Deanic Ekklesia that is of this world and all the worlds. I will, some time this week, record myself reading this aloud, and accompany it with some nice ambient music, to help the listener achieve a deep meditative state. One should burn incense and seven candles surrounded one larger one before beginning, representing Dea and Her Janitic Streams.

Part 2 is optional, and the meditation can be ended at Part 1. Part 2 is for helping a new devotee to pick a patron Jana, but this is not necessary if one is not ready to make that decision, or for those of us who have already consecrated ourselves to Dea and chosen one. Of course, the names of the Janati I use here can be changed according to tradition.

Our Mother’s Palace: A Conversion Meditation

Part 1: Homecoming

Your Mother, the Queen, is summoning you, her son/daughter/child, to Her court. 

For a long time, you did not know you were royalty. Perhaps you believed you were nothing but an unimportant, insignificant speck of dust in a world that cares not for you. Perhaps you thought that your birth was an accident, that you were merely bacteria with consciousness. Perhaps you were afraid to acknowledge the truth: that you possess within you a jewel of divinity, and that you were destined for much greater things. Perhaps you were even afraid of your Mother, afraid She would be too disgusted by your mistakes, your shortcomings, to accept you in to Her arms. 

No matter. Now you know the truth. And you have been away from home for far too long.

It is time for you to enter Ekklesia, the glistening palace at the centre of the realm of the Empress of the Universe. The gathering place of all of those who have accepted Dea as their Mother, their God, their Source.¬†You approach the glistening palace of your Mother. You turn your head to look up to the sky, and you see a huge rainbow, brighter and more beautiful than any you’ve ever seen on Earth. There is not a cloud to be seen. The sun in its gentle heat falls down on your shoulders and face, yet your skin does not burn. Instead, its rays tickle your nose and cheeks. You laugh to yourself.

You look down, and notice what you are wearing. Beautiful raiment, created by light, and you feel beautiful, radiant, as you should feel always. You place your hands atop your head, and feel a delicate crown atop it. You, like all of your siblings, are royalty, and what’s more: you are, in essence, one with God, who is the greatest Queen of all.

The palace is getting closer, and you can now make out your siblings, waiting outside for you. They wave, jump up and down, cheer. Suddenly, you realise you know all of these people. You know their names in every incarnation, you understand their divine qualities, and you feel such abundant love for each and every one of them. 

You can make out the more intricate details of the palace now. You notice it has seven great towers, each one topped with an image of one of the seven Janati; your eldest siblings, who are direct streams of Dea Herself. You notice how the palace, like your clothing, seems to literally be made of light: the same light of the sun, of the rainbow.

You are now right outside the castle, and your siblings throw petals at your feet. “Welcome home!” they cheer, and they hug you, kiss your cheeks, take your hands and hold them to their hearts. They are overjoyed to see you are joining¬†them at Dea’s court.

Finally, you take a deep breath, and you enter the palace. You walk down a hallway, and find yourself in a throne room. The lovely scent of incense perfumes the air, and beautiful music kisses your ears. You take a moment to take everything in. This is your home, your birth right, your destiny. 

Look around the throne room. Note the beautiful decorations. Pay attention to the smells, the sounds, the sights around you. Let yourself be happy. Revel in this moment, and promise yourself you will remember it whenever you feel lost.

You look up, and you finally see her. Dea, God, the Creator of the Universe, atop a throne of sunlight, the likeness of the moon at her feet. She wears a stunning jewelled crown representing Her seven Janatic Streams. She is clothed in a garment of stars. Her warm smile fills you with so much emotion. Look in to Her sparkling eyes, and believe that She is your Origin. No matter how wary, useless, hopeless you sometimes feel, the figure before you is GOD, and She birthed you in to existence through an overflowing of Her perfect love. In Her countenance, you can see the love She feels for all of Creation. 

She descends from Her throne. She holds out Her arms to you, and You run in to them. She laughs. Are you laughing or crying with joy? Maybe a combination of both? In Her embrace, you feel free from the burdens of the world. You feel like, through Her, you can conquer any evil. And you can.

“Welcome home,” she whispers.

Part 2: The Seven Thrones

In breaking the hug, she kisses you atop your head, and looks in to your eyes. “My child,” she says gently, and gestures to the seven smaller thrones that line the other walls of the throne room. Three on one wall, four on the other. On each seats a beautiful being, radiating power and divinity.¬†“These are your elder sisters, the Janati. They are my daughters whom hold governance over the Seven Great Powers, and are your guides. Each one teachers three different virtues, and¬†while you should listen to all of their voices, you may choose one to be your patroness, your mentor. Follow your heart.”¬†

The seven Janati stand up from their thrones and smile at you. Each holds a pendant in her hand, which they extend towards you. You understand that you should take the pendant of the Jana who you feel should be your Patroness.

The first Jana wears orange-golden robes, and dons a bright, gleaming smile. “I am Lady Lucia of Three-Fold¬†Spirit. My virtues are Illumination, Joy and Benevolence. If this be your path, take this pendant.” The pendant in her hand, being offered to you, is of the sun.

The second wears robes the colours of violet and silver. She has a very gentle face and is youthful in appearance. “I am Lady Clara of the Three-Fold Spirit. My virtues are Reason, Reflection and Purity. If you would follow me on this path, take upon yourself my pendant.” The pendant in her hand is a symbol of the moon.

The third Jana wears indigo and black robes and a veil that covers her eyes. She seems slightly more stern than her sisters, but still kind and loving.¬†“I am Lady Constance, also of the Three-Fold Spirit. My virtues are Steadfastness, Temperance and Self Restraint. Take my pendant if you would be my student.” The pendant she offers you is of the Fora.

You turn to the four thrones on the other side of the room, now.

A strong, firey looking swordmaiden in red robes smiles at you. “I am Lady Valora, of Four-Fold Matter. I teach the virtues of Courage, Strength and Valor. Join me, if this is the path you would follow.” She presents you with her pendant, depicting a rose.

The next Jana stands before you in yellow robes and a confident demeanour. “I am Lady Sofia, of Four-Fold Matter. I lead in teaching the virtues of Wisdom, Intuition, and Intelligence. Take my pendant if this be the path of virtue that you would follow.” She offers you her pendant, which depicts a star.

The second to last¬†Jana has a very kind and motherly¬†face. She wears robes of green. “I am Lady Grace of Four-Fold Matter. My virtues are Love, Compassion and Mercy. Take my pendant if you would have me as your patroness.” Her pendant depicts a dove in flight.

The final Jana looks very radiant and queenly indeed, and dons robes of blue. “I am Lady Harmonia of Four-Fold Matter. I govern the virtues of Harmony, Order and Justice. Take upon you this pendant if you feel so called to.” The pendant in her hand depicts an apple.

Take some time to think upon these virtues, and, with your Mother’s guidance, take the pendant from the Jana whom you feel called to take as your patroness. If you do not feel called to take a patron Jana at this time, that is okay, too. You can return to the throne room at any time to do so.

Your chosen patron Jana fastens the corresponding pendant around your neck, and hugs you, symbolically taking you under her wing.

Feel free to spend some time with Dea, with the Janati, and with your other siblings in Ekklesia. Walk around the palace, if you like. Visit the tower of your patroness Jana. Explore the gardens. Take a swim in the moat. Dance to the music played by the celestial chorus. This is your spiritual home, after all. 

When you are ready, thank your Mother for inviting you to the Palace, and welcoming you in to Her ekklesia, and say goodbye. Know that you can return any time.

In the name of the Mother, the Daughter, and Absolute Deity,
Thus may it remain.


Madria Erin